I recently found myself spending a week in hospital recovering from surgery from appendicitis. It was quite a rollercoaster of a week and due to COVID, nobody can have any visitors and you’re unable to leave the ward. So aside from the doctors and nurses looking after me, my fellow patients were the only people I interacted with for 6 days.
I am fascinated by people. That's why I am a coach, so having the opportunity to talk to no less than 12 different people during my hospital stay, and hearing those 12 different stories, was so interesting and a real positive for me. And the stories were varied! One lady had been attacked by a wild cat, and another, who also had appendicitis, had had to deal with their partner walking out on them a week previously, and was now facing the most unexpected emotional and physical challenges. I also woke up one night to hear the lady in the bed next to me crying. I didn't know her name, I hadn't spoken to her before, but in the darkness I asked her if she was ok, and that if she wanted to talk, I was here in the next bed.
The following day she thanked me for reaching out, explaining she had been missing her 2 year old Grandson. At that moment, I could absolutely relate, I hadn't seen my young son for 3 days, and although I wasn't missing the dirty nappies, I was missing playing with him and watching him explore the world (or the lounge at least!).
In those brief minutes, this lady (now Joanne) and I had formed a connection. We were both missing loved ones and just wanted to be at home. From that point on, we talked, listened to one another, shared critical opinions about the food being served, and supported each other when there were inevitable setbacks. When I left Joanne on ward F9 to come home, I knew I wouldn't see her again, but knew the positivity, company and humour we shared had made made a difference when it mattered.
So why am I writing this? Well if I hadn't reached out in that moment and asked Joanne that question, we would have remained strangers, missing out on that opportunity to connect as two people going through a similar experience. Asking a simple question to those around us doesn't cost a thing, but the returns can be plentiful. There is little I can think of within our ‘social toolbox’ that helps us form bonds and connections better than asking a question.
Why not try it out yourself? If you manage people or are struggling to connect with a peer or colleague, here are my top tips:
On your next Teams or Zoom call put down any devices or distractions and ask a question to someone ‘Hi, how are you doing?’
Stop, listen and be intentional - if you ask a question you then need to be prepared to really listen to the answer. Don't be tempted to just go through the motions. Respond accordingly and see where the conversation takes you.
Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate - Everyone, from the newest member of the team to those who have been around forever, everyone wants to feel welcome and appreciated. Demonstrate this by asking a question that shows you understand their world and what they’re working on, or dealing with.
Give it a go, there's nothing to lose. And you never know, you might find a ‘Joanne’.
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